So this is a tricky subject to write about and a little longer than my typical posts. If you’ve followed the blog at all over the past year I’m sure you’ve seen some of the ups and downs involved with starting Prologue Games. But strangely, one subject has been absent – how my faith plays into this journey. I’ve avoided it because I didn’t want to be typecast as a fanatic or scare anyone away. What I’ve recently realized is that I shouldn’t be ruled by my fear. If I really want to be transparent about what this journey has *really* been like, I have to be transparent about my faith as well.
To get the disclaimers out of the way up front:
- The views expressed in this post are solely my own and have no reflection on Prologue Games, its employees, investors, or partners.
- This is not a “how to” or lecture on why a certain set of beliefs are somehow better than others. It’s certainly not thorough enough to warrant any significant theological debate. It is purely a discussion of challenges I have faced and the conclusions I have come to as an individual.
- Prologue Games is not a corporate entity with a set of religious beliefs – no Hobby Lobby here.
- If you somehow come away from this article feeling offended or slighted, that is not my intention in the least. I want to share in an open but strictly personal nature – this is my belief and my only goal is to share so others can observe another perspective out there.
As I’ve talked about before, starting a company is scary, it requires putting yourself out there and risking that you might fall flat on your face. Whether you’re supremely confident or scared stiff, it is so easy to start placing self worth into the activity of the business. The fastest way this becomes apparent to me is when I meet someone new. I immediately feel like I have to prove myself and often lean on the company as a crutch to make myself feel important. Why do I feel like this activity somehow makes me more or less valid as an individual?
So what does give me worth as an individual? Is it my accomplishments, my family, my friends? For me, the only thing that has any real lasting significance is how I am viewed by God. This may feel like a giant leap of logic, but stick with me, it’s my twisted brain we’re talking about here. I happen to be a christian. Not a baptist, methodist, catholic, or any other denomination you might assign to that set of beliefs. I believe that the God of the Bible is a perfect, eternal, and all powerful being and for some inexplicable reason he has decided to love me.
That little statement could be unpacked over a lot of discussions but I’ll just focus on a few items and try to bring this full circle here. If God is really perfect and all powerful, there is no possible way I could ever expect to impress him. I am a sinful, broken, and utterly insignificant collection of atoms. In the span of eternity, I am meaningless. Yet I do believe that God does love me. It can’t possibly be because I did something to merit his approval. I didn’t perform some amazing feat that grabbed the attention of an infinite being and made him say “oh, I guess I should keep an eye on that Colin guy.” The only explanation is that he decided to choose me out of his unfathomable grace and mercy – before I was born and in full knowledge of all the stupid things I would do in my life.
It’s so easy to move straight on to the “so I should do X…” statements but I need to constantly go back to this completely external action towards me. The God of the universe chose me. Chose me not because I would be a huge helper, a great companion, or all around charming individual. He chose me because he wanted to. What else can be more important in my life? Nothing I can do can make him love me more or less. Read that again. Nothing will change my standing with God.
This personal realization skews everything into a different perspective. Of course I still work hard, put myself out on a ledge, and do everything in my strength to create, improve, and overall benefit the society I’m placed in. BUT, it takes the pressure off of the result. I don’t have to worry about what happens – good, bad, or sideways. I know that I have already been redeemed and that everything else in this life is now freed up to be pursued without fear of failure.
The analogy that continually comes to mind is one of swimming in the ocean. I no longer swim because I fear drowning, instead I swim because I love the freedom and the beauty of the activity. If I start to look down and realize how deep the water is, I can be gently reminded by my wonderful wife that I was made free before I could do anything worthwhile in this life. I am free from condemnation of any form and can refocus my gratitude and enjoyment of the life that I have in front of me.
Do I do this perfectly? Of course not. I still stress out and feel the pull towards any number of methods to prove my self worth. But whether Prologue Games succeeds or ultimately fails, I can work hard with the confidence that I am loved by God and that what I do here is all a gift.